i dont drool over coffee but i feel like i want it despite the condition. 
sometimes it keeps me awake but i dont feel like i drink it for the sake of keeping awake.
i dont particuarly adore the taste but i absoloutely love it in some way. i drink it everyday sometimes 3-4 in a day and then i become really alive. lol
but then i cant sleep..like really cant sleep and then i hate it. Makes me feel sick and all.
Generally 2 in a day is good but once a day is a must. Never used to be like tht but now i always feel
like i could do with one. lol 
Sometimes i think, most of the things in my life to me are like tht. Perhaps you don't
really need tht person but you're with them because you do need them in ways. I mean
ways like, you enjoy having someone constantly there to simply be 'there'. Does it matter who
are? if you're compatiable? Who is someone you really need then? How do you distinguish between
someone you really need and someone who is simply needed for the sake of needing? I think, how can you dislike something but still want it around?
Are you supposed to be already over it but not really over what 'it' brings?
What does 'it' or 'he' or 'her' or 'the' even supposed to mean to you?...to me? Q. should we stop questioning everything that goes on around us and just live it how it is? A. mm..i dont think i could. People tell me not to think so much and just go with the flow
but even then i question what the flow is. i mean...surely things will continue to go in a certain way
but are there not things we could do to differ or challenge the things planned for us? like i always think
even if we do change something that seemed like it was prob only going to work in a certain way..maybe
we really didnt do anything..like maybe it was just planned tht it would happen in such way...like we
would be made to think in a certain way - to think tht we actually changed it when it was merely a planned
situation where the thing would happen but we were also made to be 'able' to change it. if so...what the hell am i..? human being...but what's the purpose of us on earth? if we have set routes
what exactly is our reason for being here...to carry out these plans? doesnt make sense.. i always think of myself as a product in progress within a factory. My surroundings being the factory
i am situated in, the happenings are the processes around me shaping me in which i go through.
There are many processes i must go through in order to render me in certain ways. But then its like
i keep going through these processes right..but then the finished product also means the time when
my processes i go through end. But then...the product done..and im dead. Like im complete because
everything i need to go through i have, but that's why im dead, because ive gone through it all...so the
result is the dead matter? so whats the use of the product? the thing youve been trying to complete
but is unnecessary at the same time because it really has no use at tht point? unless i think the dead
is another point in continuation. err... this keeps troubling me. i keep thinking about it and whenever gavin and i talk abt this we become so lost
within our own words. the girls and i are working on a project to enter a competition for the Kobe Biennale
and basically the theme is 'wa' which means 和 or harmony in short. But there is certainly much more about this
word and its relationships with Kobe, Japan which i cant be bothered talking abt. The brief requires us to set up
an installation within one of the i think 30 or so containers (shipping crates) which will be displayed during the
Biennale exhibition next year. GOD this is my dream. This could be my thesis project. It has like taken us over
a month now to decide where our minds are heading and now we are starting to get somewhere its so difficult
to just pin down a particular point and idea. like im sure the design and work will automatically follow but this
is so hard to simply follow one concept. and i cant be bothered talking more about it..lol. right. i think i went totally off track from what i was initially talking about..i just kept typing whatever came to mind haha..
i think i like changed over 4 things i wanted to talk abt..lol anyway i've had it with text for tonight. Have appointment with travel agency at 9am tmr...da fuck anna.. tata.
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